Effective Communication

I quite often speak to many people regarding the subject (including my wife – trust me, not very smart thing to do :-). Many people think that I have excellent communication skills. As good as one might say I am, I have known for some time that my communication skill has, at times, much to be desired. Skill is one thing, effectiveness is another. Skill refers to the tools such as language, means, articulation etc., while effectiveness refers to “how” one uses these tools causing least or no adverse side effects. Anyone who can put their thoughts into words, constructs coherent sentences, and speaks may be termed as someone who mastered these tools. Without being effective (the “how”), there is still much to be desired. This is the area where improvement is required for me, and many others who are skilled in communication.

Skill and effectiveness must go hand in hand for the communication to yield qualitative long term results. Even with skill and effectiveness, communication sometimes breaks, but without one another, the risk of communication breakdown goes off the scale.

Effective communication requires charm. And that takes time, and patience.

A message can be communicated in several ways. A better way to communicate is to do so in a manner that is most pleasant to the receiver of the communication. An incident in my recent past highlighted to me the importance of not just the sender’s feelings, but also the receiver’s feelings and what impact that could have on relationships.

I have been trying to get in touch with a manager at a company for quite some time. I was dealing with a high pressure, critical to business need that required immediate action (at least, so I was impressed upon). I left her several messages on her voice mail, never to be returned. The discussion was going on in emails which I considered time-consuming and counter-productive. I would receive a response to an email a few minutes after I leave a voice mail. When I received one such email, I immediately responded “Call me immediately at 425-555-2211”. I wanted to get her attention while she was still at her desk. I got her attention alright, but in a wrong way. Although it was a completely innocent communication with no offence intended, offence was taken and the relationship took a nosedive.

“Can we discuss this over the phone and resolve? Please call me immediately at 425-555-2211. Thanks,”

“I strongly believe we can be more effective and quicker in resolving this issue if we have a telephone conversation. Can you please call me at 425-555-2211 at your earliest convenience, preferably immediately so that we can discuss? Thank you very much in advance.”

Patience and staying calm in dire situations are the most important virtues for effective communication. All the three messages above essentially say the same thing. However, the “how” is different. My belief is they are progressively better, effective, and pleasant-toned in the order they are listed above. It takes time to articulate your thoughts in a manner that is pleasant to the receiver. It is especially difficult to take this time when you are pressed for time, stressed, or under pressure. That’s where the ability to stay calm and patience become great virtues. Making these virtues a part of your personality and communication style is what wins allies and helps build relationships.

Note to Myself – Make is so!