Effective Communication

I quite often speak to many people regarding the subject (including my wife – trust me, not very smart thing to do :-). Many people think that I have excellent communication skills. As good as one might say I am, I have known for some time that my communication skill has, at times, much to be desired. Skill is one thing, effectiveness is another. Skill refers to the tools such as language, means, articulation etc., while effectiveness refers to “how” one uses these tools causing least or no adverse side effects. Anyone who can put their thoughts into words, constructs coherent sentences, and speaks may be termed as someone who mastered these tools. Without being effective (the “how”), there is still much to be desired. This is the area where improvement is required for me, and many others who are skilled in communication.

Skill and effectiveness must go hand in hand for the communication to yield qualitative long term results. Even with skill and effectiveness, communication sometimes breaks, but without one another, the risk of communication breakdown goes off the scale.

Effective communication requires charm. And that takes time, and patience.

A message can be communicated in several ways. A better way to communicate is to do so in a manner that is most pleasant to the receiver of the communication. An incident in my recent past highlighted to me the importance of not just the sender’s feelings, but also the receiver’s feelings and what impact that could have on relationships.

I have been trying to get in touch with a manager at a company for quite some time. I was dealing with a high pressure, critical to business need that required immediate action (at least, so I was impressed upon). I left her several messages on her voice mail, never to be returned. The discussion was going on in emails which I considered time-consuming and counter-productive. I would receive a response to an email a few minutes after I leave a voice mail. When I received one such email, I immediately responded “Call me immediately at 425-555-2211”. I wanted to get her attention while she was still at her desk. I got her attention alright, but in a wrong way. Although it was a completely innocent communication with no offence intended, offence was taken and the relationship took a nosedive.

“Can we discuss this over the phone and resolve? Please call me immediately at 425-555-2211. Thanks,”

“I strongly believe we can be more effective and quicker in resolving this issue if we have a telephone conversation. Can you please call me at 425-555-2211 at your earliest convenience, preferably immediately so that we can discuss? Thank you very much in advance.”

Patience and staying calm in dire situations are the most important virtues for effective communication. All the three messages above essentially say the same thing. However, the “how” is different. My belief is they are progressively better, effective, and pleasant-toned in the order they are listed above. It takes time to articulate your thoughts in a manner that is pleasant to the receiver. It is especially difficult to take this time when you are pressed for time, stressed, or under pressure. That’s where the ability to stay calm and patience become great virtues. Making these virtues a part of your personality and communication style is what wins allies and helps build relationships.

Note to Myself – Make is so!

My Life in Redmond, WA

Flashback January 2005, Albany NY - I just completed my two year long contract as Industrial Automation Specialist and Sr. Developer of IA Tools at GE Industrial Systems. As I was originally hired to work on GE's customer contracts, I could work for two uninterrupted years. Now, I had to take a 3 month break before I could work with GE again.

My wife, who put her career on hold to be with me in Albany, has an interview in Redmond, WA (yes, with Microsoft, her lifelong dream company) for a contract position. As moral and emotional support to her, I flew along with her to WA. She attended the interview and got thru. It's time for me to move to WA to realize my wife's dream. She put her career on hold for too long for me. I can always find a job in WA.

Flashback February 2005, between Albany NY and Redmond WA - Loaded up my 1995 Mazda 626 (with over 170K miles) with some absolute necessities and set out on the road to WA (I-90 all the way). The car had about half a ton payload (not including us). Next 5 days, we covered 3200 miles stopping for gas, pit stops, food, a couple of hours of sleep (had to be there in 5 days as her contract started on 7th day). Once I dropped her in Redmond in the new apartment we rented a few minutes walk from her work place, I flew back to Albany to pack and make the move. A month later, I completed the move (by first week of April), started looking for jobs and found one in next 3 weeks - a contract job at Microsoft's OEM IT - termed as the finest team with really hard to get in interview process. Great! Life in WA had an excellent beginning...

Fast Forward to Today - I am at loss of words to accurately describe my life in WA in past two years, other than to say, it's been a ship in the high seas. It had several ups and downs. I started working with with Microsoft, successfully delivered 5 projects, 3 concurrent big-bet projects, got into deep trouble with a new manager and left (I want to believe the reason is as simple as miscommunication, but the real reason still eludes me, and I will discuss the importance of communication in a later blog), got rehired immediately at another group, successfully completed two more contracts, and was hired on the third as a shining star soon to be paid a visit by the same ghost from my past, right the day after we closed a deal on our dream house. When times were good, they were good, but when they were bad, they really tried my strength to see what my breaking point was. By the good graces of the lord, I am not broken, yet!

The details of my difficult times in Washington are for another time. Between picking up my career pieces, assessing the situation to move forward, finding a new job, and also trying to organize the move to our new home, for now it is very important to realize that every difficult time has a lesson (or more) to teach – if not how to do something, at least how not to. Life is filled with such lessons. I am a strong proponent of “Every creation in the universe has a purpose, something to offer to the rest, and something to learn from”. I have treated everyone I have encountered as my teacher to a degree, in one respect or the other. Long since, however, I have come to realize that one’s own life itself is the greatest teacher, if one knows how to read, observe and learn from it. Smart ones learn from their own lives and that of others. I have encountered both kinds (who learn and who don’t). I for one, would like to believe that I do learn from my own mistakes and that of others when I see. I plan to document some of those lessons learnt so far in my lifetime, if not for others to read, just for my own sake and future reading – so that I don’t forget.
Sanskrit Quote - Swa Adhyayan Ma Pramadah
Translation - Never forget what you learn once!